Head’s up! Feelin’ a bit feisty on this one!
About a week ago, I am in Starbucks finishing up some artwork for Tim Coleman’s pre-release (you should hit him up on FB and get one!) and I am pushing to get this thing done… I mean hustlin’ to really bust this out. Whenever I am in a Starbucks it’s usually loud and I can hear little pockets of isolated conversation here and there. 98% of the time I ignore what’s going on around me, especially this day because I was under such a tight deadline. This time was different, I caught myself eavesdropping for some reason… the reason was to share this with you 
Then it happened… I heard the cheesiest usage of Christianese ever.
It was this guy who was pitching this couple in their mid-forties a “new” product and a “fast-track to wealth.” It was the super-typical MLM speech. (Yes, I’ve done quite a few of them so please don’t ask me to do an MLM with you… thanks!) Anyways, he did a great job and finishes up with the closer. The married guy then tells the MLM guy that he’s a pastor. You would have thought that MLM guy just won the lottery. I mean he starts going on and on about how he can’t believe he was talking to a pastor this whole time. I was thinking, “Why? Would you have said something different in your pitch? Would you have changed your approach?” Then he says,”Well maybe we should touch and agree on this deal?!” UGGGHH. C’mon really, really?
Then he starts going on and on about how much of a “blessing” this business has been for him. Layin’ it on real thick-like. The pastor asked where he went to church and he said “Uh, well I haven’t been to church in a while, I just haven’t found the right place yet.” Yeah… ok… Please understand I am not judging this guy, it was an observation from my life experience. Anyhow, I left Starbucks kind of laughing it off. As I thought about it more I did start to get a bit irritated.
I can speak Christianese with the best of ‘em. A couple of my favorites I’ve heard and seen in action…
- “I didn’t feel led.” – Usually means, that takes way to much time, effort, energy, or money I wasn’t willing to give.
- “I’ll pray for you.” – Sometimes means, this conversation requires me to have compassion right now that I don’t want to give, so I am going to say this to get out of it.
I know it sounds harsh but unfortunately it is so true. We try and cover up our feelings with some flimsy Christianese line that makes us sound spiritual. But to God, you are like the Gong Show! (1 Cor. 13:1) Listen, I’m a tongue-talkin’, demon-stompin’, washed-in-the-blood-of-the-lamb, fired-up believer! (told you I could speak Christianese) But that doesn’t mean I have to alienate people with some sub-culture lingo that no one understands. We must be full of faith, but real and authentic at the same time. We must be full of love, enough love to be truthful with people. We need to allow ourselves to be open enough and honest enough and humble enough to not put up a front and make ourselves seem more spiritual than we are.
So all you Christianese speaking people… please stop.
So I am at the gym this morning and in a complete morning stare… you know the stare… the stare that lasts forever and everything else around you doesn’t matter. I was in one of those, staring at the news, and half listening to my iPod, and a story about our President’s stimulus package comes on. I’m not sure why I did what I did next but I just blurted out, “That’s retarded!” Well all political views aside right now… I usually don’t voice any type of opinion in public like that and the one time I do this big guy working out next to me, let’s call him ‘Muscles’, asks, “What’s retarded?” … Oh great… here we go.
